A Journey Through Oligarch Valley, Pt 2: Tejon Ranch (Exit 215) 

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Previously: A journey through Oligarch Valley (Prologue)

In Oligarch Valley, you can drive for an hour at 80 mph along the side of a single oligarch-family farm. And yet, these giant farms are nearly invisible to the general public. That’s maybe the most shocking thing of all: these billionaire plantation owners have somehow been able to blend into the woodwork, conning Americans by masquerading as small family farmers and selfless stewards of the land. They’ve gamed us so well that we not only support their land wealth with our hard-earned money, but are grateful for the privilege to do so.

Tejon Ranch is a mixed farm, ranching and hunting preserve that sits atop the Tehachapi Mountains, which separate the Central Valley from greater Southern California’s metropolitan sprawl. The ranch is about 30 miles north of Six Flags Magic Mountain. Full of swerving big rigs, steep grades and traffic jams, it marks the beginning of the long tortuous drive through the Central Valley. From I-5—at a speed of 80 mph—it doesn’t look like much: some sunbaked golden hills, grazing cattle and a couple of gas stations along the way.

But Tejon Ranch is unlike any other place in California. Even among the vast landholdings of Oligarch Valley’s billionaire farmers, it stands out. It’s called a “ranch,” but it’s more like a duchy or fiefdom…

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Mickey Dwyer Creates Hidden Valley Ranch Parody Ads (Video)

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Meet Mickey Dwyer. He made the above fake Hidden Valley Ranch ad because why can’t Hidden Valley Ranch products be turned into candles.

We have no idea if he’s serious.

Per reddit, Dwyer apparently makes these parody ads as a hobby over at his YouTube channel How To Draw (With Detail).

He also tweets them to Hidden Valley Ranch, as well as to various other postmodern humorists like Adult Swim staples Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim:

@timheidecker @ericwareheim Hey guys, could you help me get the word out about my new scented candles? Thanks. http://t.co/f68MSZoZ8F

— Mickey Dwyer (@mickey_dwyer) January 22, 2014

Is he serious? No flipping clue. But he’s pretty funny, so go follow him on Twitter and subscribe to his YouTube channel. On the latter, he states that he survives on shares alone, so let’s see if we can get him trending and secure that coveted Hidden Valley Ranch endorsement deal for him.

Sound off, readers! What do you think of Mickey Dwyer’s fake Hidden Valley Ranch ads? Is he serious? Oh, semi-related, if you’re looking for a couch, Dwyer has an extremely relatable one for sale on craigslist.


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