Tina Fey’s Prayer for her Daughter

Share

Tina-fey

In Bossypants, a book containing advice on how to be a good boss and leader, Tina Fey takes an honest look at how women treat each other, being a working mom, and dealing with institutionalized sexism.

Fey’s prayer for her daughter in the book is funny and filled with food for thought:

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her
When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.


Conversation Agent – Valeria Maltoni

Share

Jon Gosselin Seeks Full Custody Of Daughter; Kate Gosselin Out With Millionaire Boyfriend

Share

kate-gosselin-kids

Kate Plus 8 could be losing one of its members. The dispute between Jon Gosselin, the former reality star and father to Kate Gosselin’s eight children is getting ugly. He is seeking custody of his 11-year-old daughter Hannah, a source tells Us Weekly.

The magazine said that there is no word on why Jon is specifically seeking custody of only Hannah and not his other children. The ex-spouses raised all eight of their kids on the TLC show Jon and Kate Plus 8. Since their divorce in 2009, Kate has had primary custody of her kids and her own TLC series, Kate Plus 8.

Recently, Kate, who has quietly been dating businessman Jeff Prescott for several months, stepped out in Philadelphia Friday night to enjoy a romantic night away with her man. Prescott is a divorced father of three who is the COO and co-founder of Dreamstime, an Internet based stockpile and supplier of digital images for media outlets and both corporate and personal clientele.

rs_560x415-141231151737-560-kate-gosselin-jeff-prescott.jw.123114

Prescott serves as the president of the Deaf Children’s Foundation, Octagon Sports Nutrition and the Nature’s Youth Fit Kids Foundation, as well as director of Nature’s Youth.

In November 2014, Children & Youth Services launched an investigation into allegations that Kate had been physically and psychologically abusive to one of her sextuplets, Collin. (Investigators ultimately ruled the claims were “unfounded.”)

And in March, court documents from 2010 surfaced showing that Kate had been accused of hitting her kids to the point of leaving marks on their bodies. She had even locked them in their bedrooms to prevent them from using the bathroom at night.

Meanwhile, her aspiring DJ ex has had a series of financial failures, telling Extra in November: “The truth is I made some poor financial decisions, but I am living in a home. I’ve got to figure out who I am. Being a father, devoting my time toward my kids…”

Digital & Social Articles on Business 2 Community

Share