An Homage to Billy Madison: 20 of the Most Memorable Quotes and Scenes

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I don’t know about you, but I have a really hard time believing that Billy Madison, which, in my mind, is a cinematic wonder, is 19 years old. This is possibly because it’s still one of the funniest, most quotable movies, and Adam Sandler at his finest (possibly tied with Happy Gilmore — the golden age of Sandler).

20 Most Quotable Quotes From Billy Madison

1. O’Doyle Rules.

Who rules?

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“O’Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family’s going down. But right now, I gotta study.” 

2. Hahahahahaha SHUT UP

Still a great “comeback.”

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source: http://standingonyourporch.tumblr.com/

3. Stop looking at me, Swan!

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If you had any question as to what functions shampoo and conditioner served, Billy’s childlike humanization of those toiletries cleared that right up for you. Oh, really, fool?!

4. If peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

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source: http://oldrockstars.tumblr.com/

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source: http://oldrockstars.tumblr.com/

5. I hate cursive and I hate all of you!

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Poor Billy. His cursive writing just wasn’t up to par when, after asking, “Anymore brain-busters?” he tried to spell Rizzuto and Miss Vaughn made fun of him. “Rirruto?”

Billy tried to stay away from school, but faking sick only presented him with a pretty gross ultimatum: shaving his nanny’s armpits.

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Source: http://peteneems.tumblr.com/image/26591836842

6.  Couch. C-o-r- you going to the mall later?

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7. Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay as long as you can.

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For the love of God, cherish it. You’ve got to cherish it, you do.

8. Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll.

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Followed closely by…

9. No, I will not make out with you!

Are you in loser denial or something?

10. It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.

Before he goes back to school, Billy might have a little problem with drinking… and hallucinating about giant penguins.

11. Back to school, back to school to prove to dad that I’m not a fool

You probably still see people quoting this on the first day of school/class — whether it’s about them or their kids.

12. Billy likes to drink soda. Miss Lippy’s car is green.

This was some terribly scandalous information.

13. That is correct!

Who could forget Chris Farley’s bus driver character helping Billy to study with… er — incentives?

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Thanks to this movie, every time someone says “Magna Carta,” I automatically reply, “1215!”

14. Now you’re all in big, big trouble.

A younger O’Doyle tags Billy out in dodgeball immediately. Billy interrupts Miss Lippy’s happy time and is sent back out to the playground, whereupon he punishes all the children by absolutely destroying them in the classic dodgeball scene.

15. Don’t tell me my business, devil woman!

This whole scene is, in and of itself, basically one of the best quotes of the movie.

“Judas Priest, Barbara, it’s one of those flaming bags again”
– “Don’t put it out with your boots, Ted!”
“Don’t tell me my business, devil woman! Call the fire department. This one’s out of control. ::sniffs:: It’s poop again! … I’ll get you damn kids for this. You’re all gonna die!”

16. Snack Pack!? You’re the coolest!

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source: http://peteneems.tumblr.com/

17. Feel those kicks? He’s gonna be a soccer player. He is. He iiii-iissss!

Eric is pregnant? Oh, congratulations, lippy!

18. Tallahoo-hoo. Sabadoo.

No one really knows what Billy was saying in gibberish, but it’s still fun to repeat.

19. YOU BLEW IT!

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Because it was totally Ernie who ruined Billy’s chances with Veronica Vaughn.

20. Hey kids, it’s me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head!

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Earlier in the movie, a clown is hired for Billy’s party when he passes one of the earlier grade levels. The clown is up on really tall stilts and falls over. Later, during the musical number, he comes back with this gem of a line. It’s been 19 years and it’s physically impossible for me to watch this movie without cracking up at that line.

… Of course,  these are merely 20 of the reasons why Billy Madison is such a great movie. We haven’t even touched the academic decathlon in which Billy competes against Eric (and Steve Buscemi saves the day)!

In closing, I would just like to say… KNIBB HIGH FOOTBALL RULES!

What’s your favorite part of Billy Madison? 


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