Square Uses Vine To Create Lamest Announcement Ever


Screen Shot 2013-12-09 at 12.58.11 PMIf you follow Twitter’s co-creator and Square founder, Jack Dorsey, on Vine, you know he’s . . . well, not very good at it.

Maybe that’s why his team isn’t either?

Regardless of WHY, they abused the poor service recently to hint at “something big coming your way from Square!” But the only part that’s newsworthy about the announcement is how lame the announcement is. And how smelly face stupid their Vines about it are.

Here they are yesterday, teasing the masses, presumably.

‘Talking guy’ says “I got something for you, pick a hand.” Then ‘quiet guy’ picks the wrong hand. Talking guy says, “ehhhhhhh, tomorrow.”

We’ve provided the words for you as the “ehhhhhh” sound ‘talking guy’ makes is THAT annoying. Don’t listen to it. (Should you decide to listen, we accept no responsibility for you punching your screen.):


And here’s the big announcement! What could it be?!?


So the Sqaure reader is . . . thinner? Squarer? It looks a big larger too, I think, right? Hmm.

Lame announcement, yes – but it DOES make you wonder: Has anyone at Square apologized to Blue Bottle Coffee for involving them in this marketing malfeasance?! Fake smiles all around at Blue Bottle Coffee today, most likely. (Stay strong, folks.)

Square just posted THIS piece of fancy showing the new Square in action and telling us it’s its “best performing Square reader ever.” So there you go.

And to be fair, Dorsey does curate some great Vines if you want to give him a follow – you know, help a billionaire out.

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