Every relationship has good times and bad times. When we’re in the bad times, we forget or ignore the good times. Creating a couple’s memory jar preserves those positive memories.
Relationship blog Your Tango has some ideas on how to deal with a partner in recovery. Their tip works for any difficult time in a relationship.
take an empty jar and fill it up with pieces of paper describing the fun, awesome or just memorable moments that you have had together over the years. Now, I know in the early stages of recovery it can be hard to even remember any good times—they all seem so tainted, not real, all a lie. But they were real, and it is important to try and remember some moments when your brain wasn’t consumed by all of this. Those days seemed so much less complicated, didn’t they?
Those moments you have with your partner tend to get overshadowed by the lousy times. When you’re fighting, pull a memory out of the jar and talk about it together. This will give you some incentive to work to repair the relationship and keep filling that jar with great times together.
Note, of course, that this tip isn’t an excuse for staying in a bad relationship. It’s for couples working together to solve problems. The great memories don’t excuse bad behavior. They’ll remind you why you’re working together to repair the relationship.
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Photo by Cary Bass-Deschenes.