You know the type. An employee, a colleague, a vendor…someone has an idea. It’s a good idea. It’s a great idea. Now it’s his idea.
Do it once and people narrow their eyes. Do it twice and resentment simmers. Do it three times and that’s the last time anyone shares ideas with you.
The people we love to work with have a knack for doing the opposite: They make their ideas feel like our ideas. When that happens we all work harder. We work with a greater sense of purpose. We feel like we’re part of something bigger.
And we’re all more likely to succeed.
2. You never find something to take personally.
A French dilettante once said, “I am such an egotist that if I were to write about a chair, I’d find some way to write about myself.”
The people we hate to work with see themselves as the center of the universe, at the center of every story they tell—and the victim of every unfortunate event.
An employee misses work because he’s badly injured? Forget him—look what a mess that makes of my staffing levels! A supplier has a baby and needs to reschedule an appointment? Forget her—doesn’t she know what that does to my schedule?
To those people, whatever happens to someone else—regardless of how unfortunate or tragic—becomes trivial; what matters most is the effect it has on me.
The only things people we love to work with take personally are the things they do to make life better for other people—because they feel an obligation to improve the lives of the people around them.
3. You always find a silver lining.
Someone you know lands a major customer… but all he can think about is how hard it will be to fill those new orders. He hires a superstar programmer… but all he can think about is how much you have to pay her. He teams up with an awesome partner… but all he can think about is the control he’ll lose.
Victories, in business and life, are few and far between. Achieving something awesome (or just cool) takes time and effort, so reasons to celebrate can be rare.
The people we love to work with realize that every big goal is accomplished one small step at a time and rightly feel every step is cause for celebration. They have a knack for finding the silver lining in every dark cloud because they know there is always a silver lining—you just have to be willing to look.
And by looking, they spread a sense of optimism and enthusiasm—something often in short supply.
4. You never fail to share (or give away) the credit.
People we hate to work with tend to be extremely political: they jockey, they maneuver, they plot, they try to make themselves look better in the eyes of others-especially at the expense of other people. (After all, if I look good and you look bad, I’m that much farther ahead, right?)
The people we love to work with know the best glory is reflected glory. They step back from the spotlight. They let others take the credit for hard work. They let others receive the praise for a job well done.
Most of all, they gain a private sense of fulfillment from seeing others receive public recognition—because that means everyone wins.
5. You always think before you speak and act.
Ever seen someone throw a chair because he thought his instructions had not been followed? I have. Ever seen someone shred an employee for a mistake that person didn’t make? I have.
Ever seen someone speak or act without thinking-and forever revised your opinion of her? I have.
People we love to work with react instantly to good news. They instantly offer recognition, congratulations, and praise.
But they take a long time to think, reflect, and decide the best way to speak and act when problems arise or when mistakes are made. They know their words and actions will leave a lasting effect, so they do everything possible to get it right. Even when everything around them seems to be going wrong.
6. You listen 10 times more than you talk.
Interrupting isn’t just rude. When someone interrupts what they’re really saying is, “I’m not listening to you so I can understand what you are saying; I’m only listening to find a place to jump in and say what I want say.”
The people we love to work with listen more than they talk. They focus on what others say. They ask questions not to seem smart but to better understand.
And we love them for it.
7. You never actively seek validation.
Everyone likes praise.
But some people need praise. Some people need constant attention. They need constant validation that they are smart, capable, in charge, successful. In fact, they need to know they are smarter, more capable, and more successful than everyone else.
People we love to work with don’t care about external validation. They care about feeling good about themselves. The only validation they seek is what they find in the mirror.
Seeking self-worth inside themselves allows them to spend all their energy encouraging, recognizing, and validating other people—which makes them awesome to work with.
And also makes them awesome friends.
8. You never talk out of school.
It’s hard to resist learning the inside scoop. Finding out the reasons behind someone’s decisions, the motivations behind someone’s actions, the skinny behind someone’s agenda—whether Marcy from shipping is really dating Juan in accounting—those conversations are hard to resist.
Unfortunately, the people who gossip about other people also gossip about us … and suddenly the idea of gossip isn’t so much fun.
People we love to work with excuse themselves from gossip and walk away. They don’t worry that they’ll lose a gossiper’s respect—they know that anyone willing to gossip doesn’t respect other people anyway.
Instead, if they decide to share a secret, they speak openly about their own thoughts and feelings. That way they’re not gossiping.
They’re just being genuine—and we all love being around people who are genuine.
9. You never jump on your soapbox.
The higher you rise and the more you accomplish the more likely you are to think you know everything… and the more likely you are to think you need to tell other people everything you think you know.
Some people speak with much more finality than foundation. Some people think a position or “status” automatically confers wisdom. And that means other people hear…but don’t listen.
People we love to work with share their thoughts in a humble and unpretentious way. They care about what we know.
After all—they already know what they know.
Now: What qualities make you love working with someone?
A version of this article first appeared on LinkedIn.
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